TDs swapped am dram in the Dáil for the slick lines of The Book of Mormon at the Bord Gáis Energy Theatre. Photograph: Paul Coltas Tsargate is turning into a complete Tshitshow. A CEO reputed to be the best thing since caustic soda is lined up to unblock our dangerously constipated housing system – only to be blocked from the unbunging because he was never officially engaged to Harpic it in the first place. This only dawned on our top rank decision-makers when the tshit over appointing a housing tsar hit the fan this week. Word was that the tsar would be paid €430,000 to shove the Government’s plunger into the bowels of the housing crisis because it’s very dirty work and nobody among the highest paid and pensioned political plumbers and public servants in the land is capable of doing it. READ MORE And even if they could, they might get their hands dirty. Or faint from the bang of litigation coming off the developers. Then suddenly the tsar wasn’t, maybe, going to be paid the full whack because nobody really thought about the money until the row started. They were too busy trying to escape the smell from the constipation crisis. Now the two main Coalition parties are at loggerheads over who did or didn’t agree to almost appoint Brendan McDonagh as chief executive of the fledgling Housing Activation Office (HAO) and why this non-decision was announced publicly in a roundabout way by a hapless new Minister without consulting the party leaders, or one of them at least. Anyway, the HAO was supposed to be the HDOE. The Housing Delivery Oversight Executive was one of the recommendations in the Housing Commission’s report last year. “This body should be time-limited. It should identify and address blockages to housing delivery and oversee and drive investment in public utilities on land zoned for housing.” The new Minister, James Browne, decided to set up this body and gave it a snappier name. He would appoint a “maverick” fixer to drive through a “step-change” and power through the blockages. He wanted Brendan to be that man. Housing Minister James Browne talked up his prospective Housing Activation Office officials like they were the A-Team reincarnated. Photograph: Alan Betson Brendan is a highly successful troubleshooter, one of the hard-edge money crunchers drafted in to save Ireland from going down the economic tubes after the Celtic Tiger ate itself to death. He knows to stand away from the breeze when that fan starts to turn. When the Opposition pounced and Coalition bickering began over the establishment of the HAO, Brendan McDonagh sensibly withdrew and left them to it. At least he can make a decision. As for James Browne, he went on the News at One on Tuesday and talked up his prospective HAO officials like they were the A-Team reincarnated. This rapid reaction force of top people from various agencies would sort the housing impasse in a way they could never manage to do before this. “It’s about boots on the ground,” he told Rachel English. “It’s going to be a lean team.” They certainly wouldn’t be getting fat as all the money for biscuits would have to be spent on the CEO’s salary. “We’re looking at eight to 11 people,” James said, naming Brendan as his preferred commander-in-chief. And what exactly would they be doing? Unblocking. Step-changing. Knocking down walls. That sort of thing. The Taoiseach was all for it. Sort of. The Tánaiste would have been all for it too, if his Fianna Fáil partners had filled him in properly on what was happening, except they didn’t seem too know much themselves. Then poor James did his solo run on the radio. It’s a mess. All of their own making and it looks terrible. Expect a show of unity from Micheál Martin and Simon Harris in the days and weeks to come. This is no way to begin a government. A tsar has not been born and they need to get this tshitshow off the road. Laughter and tears A group of Fianna Fáil TDs and senators abandoned the amateur dramatics of Leinster House on Tuesday evening and headed off to a different theatre for a different kind of light entertainment. Fianna Fáil’s occasional culture nights have been running for a few years now, enthusiastically driven by Paidi O’Sullivan (Cork North-Central) and Malcolm Byrne (Wicklow-Wexford), who seem to have become the parliamentary party’s unofficial social secretaries/entertainment officers. More than a dozen politicians went to The Book of Mormon at the Bord Gáis Energy Theatre in Dublin. And as comedy musicals go, they found they could identify particularly well with the main characters in this riotous production. Were TDs converted to the cause while watching the Book of Mormon? Photograph: Paul Coltas “It’s about dedicated individuals out on a mission, knocking on doors and trying to convert people to their cause,” Malcolm says. “So we found it very similar to going door to door canvassing for votes. We’re used to knocking on doors and looking for converts.” Appropriately enough, Paidi was recently appointed party spokesperson on arts and culture. Malcolm, meanwhile, is the new chair of the Oireachtas committee on artificial intelligence. There was an interesting story on the AI front this week about an Australian radio station forced to admit that its popular daily music programme presented by a DJ named Thy was AI-generated. Workdays with Thy ran for six months on the Sydney based station and had more than 70,000 listeners, but the show failed to mention on its website or promotional materials that DJ Thy doesn’t exist. The truth didn’t come out until a journalist, intrigued by the lack of personal information available about her, began to investigate. Beleaguered workers in RTÉ must be hoping nobody tells Minister for Media Patrick O’Donovan about this development when he returns home from Japan. It’ll only give him most cost-cutting ideas. Different ball game A delegation from the Football Association of Ireland (FAI) visited Leinster House on Wednesday to talk to politicians about its proposals to grow the game at grassroots level and to fill them in on a controversial plan to change playing seasons and match scheduling. “As I’m sure you are aware, the topic of an aligned football calendar has generated significant discussion in communities across the country,” FAI chief executive David Courell wrote in an invite circulated to Oireachtas members. A number of leagues around the country are unhappy with the proposed new calendars and voiced their concerns to their local TDs, who turned out in force for the meeting. While the reaction afterwards was mainly positive there was also talk of “pushback” amid concern over the scheduling proposals. While they were there, the FAI head honchos also hope to get some Government investment for football academies. “We will be outlining our vision for the development of academies, which we believe are fundamental to engage and nurture young talent and strengthen the game at all levels,” the CEO said, offering the politicians “an opportunity to gain a deeper insight into the FAI’s strategic objectives and to engage in meaningful and constructive discussions on how we can work together to support the growth of Irish football – which we know has the potential to deliver significant social and economic benefits". Goalkeeping great Packie Bonner. Photograph: Bryan Keane/INPHO Italia ′90 goalkeeping hero Packie Bonner added some sporting glamour to the delegation. The TDs and senators were surprised to see two more familiar faces in the group: former TD for Louth and a Fianna Fáil minister from the Bertie Ahern era, Dermot Ahern, and the recently retired TD for Mayo and former Fine Gael minister, Michael Ring. Maybe they advised the FAI blazers to butter up their former colleagues with a little gift. Everyone got a free football. Apparently they weren’t regulation size. “Their balls were very small,” one attendee revealed. “Little political footballs.” Some TDs are never happy. A big fat zero The fire and fury over the Taoiseach deploying an Irish word to accuse Sinn Féin leader Mary Lou McDonald of telling porkies about something nobody can remember is long gone. Back in February, Mary Lou and her colleagues tore strips off Micheál Martin for accusing her of lying to the Dáil – a complete no-no in parliamentary discourse – and doing it as Gaeilge to boot. “Ag insint breaga” is what he said. The official record of the House corrected gaelgoir Micheál’s slight grammatical error (he was morto when he realised it later) to “ag insint breág”. The very erudite and diligent Dáil reporters – the Civil Service ones, who compile the record with great care according to some very old rules, miss nothing. So of course they caught Sinn Féin’s Pa Daly when he slipped a sneaky focail into his contribution to Wednesday’s debate on the National Planning Framework. The party spokesman on Climate, Environment, Energy and Transport began brightly enough. He said the framework had the “potential to unlock a brighter future in this country, to right the wrongs of the past and to develop a co-ordinated strategic and ambitious approach to the social, economic, environmental and cultural development of the island”. But things went unsurprisingly downhill from there. Unfortunately, Pa had to report that the Government’s plan was a disappointment. “It lacks ambition, is devoid of detail and is certainly not going to bring in the transformative change that the country deserves.” It won’t deliver on climate goals nor will it bring about the interconnected transport system needed for balanced regional development and proper rural connectivity, said the Kerry TD. Sinn Féin TD Pa Daly used his Irish to great effect in the Dáil. Photograph: Nick Bradshaw He think’s it’s an absolute dud, particularly for Irish speakers. “There is also nothing in here – faic all – for the Gaeltacht area,” he declared. He certainly got our attention with his lovely pronunciation. If this was Deputy Daly’s equivalent of Paul Gogarty’s notorious “F**k you, Deputy Stagg!” 2009 Dáil moment, it passed unnoticed. Mind you, there was barely anyone in the chamber. Pa must have been disappointed. The Irish word for “nothing” makes the official record, but that’s it. There’s faic all else.